video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
