i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
