when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
