Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
