Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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