Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I fill condoms, not promises.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
