shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
