I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
