If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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