I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
