She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
