why didn't you poke me back
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
