Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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