what day is it and did you see me today?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
