He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize