I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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