I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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