Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
