your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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