no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
