we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
