My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
