I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
