so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
