So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
