Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize