I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize