Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
