I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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