I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
handjob tips. give me some.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
