im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
