Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
