I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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