Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
