You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
