So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
