How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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