Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
