i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
