Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
