This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
