He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
