So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
