Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
