first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
