The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
