every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
