haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You left your phone here
Wait...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
