Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
