sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
