So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
