Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
