She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
