I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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