Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
