Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
