I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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