Midget sex pt 2 tonight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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