I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
pop tarts are not kleenex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
