if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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