I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
