I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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