Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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