The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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