I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
